When Social Media Gets Personal

While I was eating lunch today, taking a quick break to check out the latest and greatest in the Facebook world, I noticed my news feed was blowing up with an endless amount of ranting from various acquaintances from my high school.  I say acquaintances, because I honestly cannot refer to any of them as friends.  I have not seen nor spoken to any of these people in over 10 years (some I am not even sure we ever spoke when we were in school together), so keep that in mind as I provide my light-hearted mockery of the situation....

Disclaimer: As someone who blogs, I recognize there may be hypocritical statements described herein; however, let it be clear that what I am referring to within the context of this post is the art of the status update via social media channels, not blogging.  A practice implemented to give real time updates throughout the course of the day, the status update details the who, what, when, where and why of, well, everything....but in real time! 

Whereas, this little thing called Ali Types Words is a private blog that I have disclosed to all of 5 people.  If you are reading this, and you are not one of those 5 people, congratulations!  You are trespassing on pure genius.

Let it also be clear that I am actually, in many ways, making fun of myself to the utmost degree.  My only request is that you do not take the thoughts and opinions expressed herein too seriously, for I do not and I am the person stating such thoughts and opinions....


I very much enjoy having access to the information appearing on my news feed.  If you have been kind enough to grant me this right, I appreciate it.  Now, I must apologize for your clear misjudgement of the type of person I am.  The type of person who takes the information provided and spins it in a satirical manner intended for the entertainment of others.  One may even go as far to say that it is almost as if you do not even know me at all...

You really can find out so much about a person by how they so generously provide the play by play of their lives through their various social media channels.

Me?  I have never once posted a Facebook status update, nor will I ever.  I do not see the value in letting all of my friends acquaintances know what I am making for dinner that night, or what time I will be checked into a bar and who I will be with, or anything else for that matter. 

It should also be noted that I do not feel the need to let serial killers, who may also be stalkers (or is that one in the same?!), know of my whereabouts at any given moment.  No, I am not so self absorbed to think that this would actually happen to me if I were to post status updates; however, I do know things like this have happened to others and I am merely speculating based on no facts whatsoever (Craigslist killer, hello!).

Simply put, I do not feel that I have any words of wisdom, or importance, to offer the masses.  Instead, I put those thoughts here....the blog I started that I know no one reads!


....Back to the topic at hand.....

Please do not misinterpret my own lack of status updating to mean that I do not appreciated the updates of others.  I so very much do.  Without them, I am not sure what would give me the right to say I function in society as a technologically savvy adult?! 

• I absolutely need to understand that Acquaintance 1 feels so strongly about veganism, but Acquaintance 2 cannot wait to enjoy veal later that night.  I honestly felt that their 54 comment rant really provided an unbiased, informational review of both sides. 

• I absolutely enjoy having the knowledge that Acquaintance 3 hates Obama for sending him a $0.42 health care refund.  With this always in the back of my mind, it will undoubtedly relate to the way I vote in the election. 

• I absolutely need to be able to say that I know Acquaintance Friend 4, because she just got a new puppy AND had her picture taken with George Clooney last night.  I can now say I am friends with someone who knows George Clooney!

FACT:  A social media outlet is a forum created by an individual, which is to be used solely by that individual as a means of self expression.


FACT:  A social media outlet is a forum that is accessible to other individuals in a specific network (often with the required approval of the creator), establishing "welcomed" interaction with one another.


FACT: A social media outlet is a forum that showcases the varying thoughts and opinions of specific individuals, in a specific network, that are not intended to offend others, but alas....they so often do.


FACT: A social media outlet is a forum that can often create a false sense of courage to those individuals who discover they suddenly have "grown a pair," resulting in interactions (and sometimes altercations) with individuals whom they may not actually even know.


FACT:  A social media outlet is a forum that promotes freedom of speech - such a beautiful thing.  Without you, I would so rarely find myself entertained by the passive aggressiveness of others (or even myself!).


I guess what I am really saying is, THANK YOU!

{insert Jimmy Fallon "Thank You Notes" music here....}

Thank you, social media.  For providing me with the ability to see life through the eyes of others. 

For arming me with the education and knowledge to successfully debate for President....or to write a book on the subjects of gay and lesbian rights, or the reasons pit bulls really do make great pets....or any other topic that has ever been thought of or will ever be thought of by anyone in the entire existence of man kind. 

For making it clear, by way of total numbers of friends and photos, that my life truly is better than anyone else's.

Sincerely,

AG


*NOTE: None of the facts outlined above are, in fact, actual facts based on any factual research, factual evidence or factual results.  In short, they are non-facts and should be viewed as such.