Fearful Flyer

I hate the airport.  I hate airplanes.  I pretty much hate anything that has to do with the overall flying experience, to be honest.  Except, of course, the only silver lining being that you get to where you are going in no time flat.  I am always beyond thrilled when the wheels of the plane hit the ground, bringing me (safely) to my destination, but then again, there is always the uneasiness of having to do it all over again that sets in shortly thereafter.... 

Last night, I had a very short return flight from St. Louis.  This is legit no more than a 50 minute flight from gate to gate, tops.  This should have been the easiest of travel experiences....

{enter thunderstorms}

It should be noted that I am always on edge when flying, so I suppose you should take what I say with a grain of salt.  I am not so overly paranoid that anyone would be able to notice, but I am pretty much on the verge of an anxiety attack throughout the duration of the flight - specifically take off.  I just feel like we are not supposed to be up there.  I know it is insane, but it is just one of those things that has no real explanation.  Everyone has their fears, this one is definitely mine.

I have a set protocol that I must follow for every flight: lucky orange underwear, I wear every piece of jewelry that my husband has ever given me (who knows?!), I have to have a window seat - either on the wing or as close to it as possible (right in front of an exit row is my preference), I always order a water when the flight attendant takes drink orders (unless it is a special occasion and a cocktail or two is often involved) and I always pay close attention to the safety presentation/video prior to take off.  In fact, it actually really bothers me when people talk and do not pay attention during this routine formality - and it is almost always the asshole sitting in the exit row who is clearly not going to be capable of getting all of us off the plane in the event of a water evacuation!  Typical. 

However, I have discovered that when I am fully informed of what is happening around me, I can always deal with the excessive turbulence, the sudden changes in speed and/or altitude, the various unexplained noises, etc.  All because I know exactly what it is and what is causing it.  Perfect example:  United allows you to listen to air traffic control - I absolutely love this!  I will listen to them throughout the entire flight if I can, knowing exactly when we have requested to ascend or descend and the reasons why.  It is when I know nothing, and when something is clearly not right, that panic ensues.

Last night's flight was off to a terrible start from the get go.  We were on the plane, ready to leave, when they shut down the airport runways due to lightning within a 3 mile radius.  This was fine, I was fully informed and knew exactly what was causing the delay; however, when the lightning became visible and they allowed us onto the runway for take off, I was more than a little confused.  We were unable to take off previously due to lightning within 3 miles around us, but when it was directly overhead this was deemed safe enough for a giant metal object to project itself directly into the electrical outlet?  Brilliant.

Take off was bumpy, but we were told this would be the case.  This was all to be expected given the weather conditions, but I made sure to be on constant watch as we entered the lightning filled clouds that surrounded us.  If I am going to get electrocuted, I at least deserve to see how it plays out!  We were advised that we would be heading a little further west than originally planned and would then loop back around to Chicago to avoid the storms, but it would likely be a bumpy ride.  Perfect, bumps and everyone is aware of the situation - no reason to be alarmed.  So once we hit 10,000 feet, I turned on my iPad and started reading as I bounced around in my seat....as planned. 

About 5 minutes later, a loud *THUD* was heard (and felt).  This would not have bothered me had it happened while hitting turbulence a bump in the road, but this happened when nothing was going on.  Immediately, my mind started reacting, attempting to process what had just happened.  Did we get struck by lightning?  Did the engine drop?  WTF?!  I took a look around at the others on the flight to see if they, too, were concerned - this is a tactic I often use to calm myself if I feel like something is going wrong.  Before I could analyze the expressions of my comrades, the pilot came across the speaker and said, "Guys, we are pulling a Jasmine (I swear this is what it sounded like, I have no idea if this is the actual word he used).  Everybody just sit down and stay in your seats until we get to Chicago.  Flight attendants, you too, just sit down and stay in your seats.  Don't worry, we will still get you there on time."  Right away, we increased speed tremendously and - I swear to you - I have never travelled this quickly in a plane before. 

Sure enough, we landed right on time.  Bumpy as all hell the whole descent as we made our way through the lightning and rain, but we made it there on time nonetheless.  Bravo!  I am most pleased that the main concern was our safety that we arrive on time, and that our pilot made the executive decision to give air traffic control a big F you rather than flying around the electrical storms.  Now....can someone please tell me what the hell happened?!